Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
