i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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