Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
