my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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