hotel room ftw
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Houston, we have a blender
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Bring me that man meat
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
