How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
