im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
