No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My penis needs a shock collar
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
