btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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