god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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