what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
