After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
