Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
