Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
