What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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