He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
