Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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