I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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