Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
