She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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