Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
