You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
