you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
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