i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
