I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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