I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish you could order shots online.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
