Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize