sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
