That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
