We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My dick has a subreddit
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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