We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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