you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
