ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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