i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just found a bag of teeth...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
