my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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