does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
