i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
