I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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