Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
