How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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