I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
tell me about the eggs
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