you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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