Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
