3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize