Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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