I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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