He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
