so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
