I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
