I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I need to align my fucking chakras
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