he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
