every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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