Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
