I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
is wine microwaveable?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Drake has all the answers
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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