i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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