Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
