Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
