Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize