I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
