There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
