What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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