is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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