I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
