I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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