i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize