My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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