the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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