I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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