i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize