I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
