Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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