If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And the cops told us we were all naked.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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