I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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