i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
