Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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