I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
