separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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