I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
