Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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