i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
