btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
