OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
