carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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