I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Randomize
