I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
