it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
