It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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