I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My dick has a subreddit
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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