Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
