mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
