He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
