are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
