it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
