omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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