somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize