Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
