I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
