is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
wow bdsm is so cute
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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