I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
