Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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