she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
