I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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