Got a toothbrush?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
