lets start a swedish sibling band together
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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