So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
