I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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