Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
wow bdsm is so cute
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
