She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
