she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do you have feelings for this penis?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize