At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
