Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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